My Vice[vahys] immoral conduct; depraved or degrading behavior: a life of vice.
I have divided my vices into four categories...
Blood Lust:
As a child I would internalize my traumas until it was too late or too difficult to put how I felt into words. This sometime resulted in cutting. I would inflect random cuts on myself to see what was inside causing me anger, telling me tails of betrayal, whispering the best method of insuring revenge and laughing at me when I bleed and still could not escape my own mind, ways and religion. As I grew older I learned that I was not alone in my suffering and that there were many cases in history were people were tormented and the signs eventually bled through to the surface. The writings I list under blood lust will, in many different ways, speak on these topics as they are a consistent issue in my everyday life.
Body Modification:
My mother hates them, but I consider them an upgrade. TATTOOS!!! I stopped cutting on purpose as much as I can. Now when I am feeling an unbearable amount of pressure under my skin or overwhelmed in anyway I visit my long time friend and Blacksun Bloodmoon character Lion, known to most as Christopher Mensah of Pinz-n-Needlez Tattoos. This way I do not have random scaring [though I find those to be beautiful too] but instead have a lasting piece of permanent body art, a jewel to remind me I survived another round of war with the me you don't see. I'll talk about the culture of pain and pleasure that comes with body modification and why I am addicted to it.
5150:
I remember my childhood in Washington, DC. I was crossing the intersection of 16th and Ust NW, there was a white guy next to me and a voice told me to push him out into traffic. Make a long story short, I have been diagnosed many times with many things and I am non-compliant with my medication. I believe more so in spiritual health and that my issue must be dealt with from the origin not the ending. So this section of my blog addresses my less loving moments, thoughts and actions in order to voice what lies beneath the physical before a trigger is pulled.
Taboo:
My grandmother would speak Spanish in front of me so that I would not be able to understand what the adults were discussing. We are from a small island country, a sheltered life is expected. Still, we were not a fearful family and when I moved to America to live with my mother I was emersed into a decadent culture. I am 36 and just now re-emerging from culture shock. I have learned a great deal about sex, drugs, alcohol, crime and most importantly myself. I have developed a taste for American vice in moderation and acquired a hatred for trendy peer pressure. I do not intend to seduce you into any cult-ish sub-cultures or perversions, not that you are sheepish. I am only telling of me and my life in America.
